Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Big Ben Likes Pina Coladas

According to the American Idol commercial during the Super Bowl, Big Ben Roethlisberger (Big Dumb Toothlesberger) likes pinas coladas. He sang Escape a.k.a. "The Pina Colada Song" by Ruppert Holmes during the commercial and did not look very manly doing so. As evident here:

American Idol: Big Ben sings
Big Ben Likes Pina Coladas

This brings up many questions, why does Ben like pina coladas? They don't seem to be a very manly drink. Why would he put this out in the open, on National TV, during the most watched event of the year? It doesn't make sense... unless it is an apology to "The Cheap Shot Artist", Evil Chipmunck Hines Ward?

Big Ben recently called out Steelers management for not getting him "big" receivers to "throw to" and the smallish Ward took offense. Big Ben later apologized, but maybe Ben felt he needed to make a grander apology for secret reasons.

If Ben likes pina coladas, then it's quite obvious that he might not be "playing for the right team." And I don't mean the Steelers. Maybe he Hines are embattled in a behind the scenes lovers' quarrel and Big Ben crossed the line by calling out the size of Hines' manhood.

Maybe Ben came to him senses and realized that with his 10 cent brain and reconstructed face that he has it pretty good with Hines and that some things are best left unsaid. By coming clean on National TV maybe Ben thought it was the right way to says, "Hines, I still love you even though you have a small wiener." Either way, kudos to Ben for stepping up and showing the world his true feelings. Hopefully, Heinz Field will be blasting "The Pina Colada Song" all 2008 to recognize and celebrate your secret man love like only Pittsburgh can.
Yes, this is totally made up but stupid Steeler fans deserve it. Yes, Brady Quinn may have some stupid wedding photos floating around the internet but everyone has stupid wedding photos somewhere. Not everyone can look like a douche bag by singing the Pina Colada Song on TV. Suck it, yinzers!

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