#60 Melila Purcell - DE - Rookie
Well, you did it. You made it on the active roster for the last game of the season. But you didn’t play. You know what that makes you… my boy Lang Campbell. Well done. It’s like it was meant to be. He was #6, you are #60. Just slid that 0 in there for shits and grins, huh? Otto Graham was originally #60, way to tarnish the number. That being said, you are a young DL so we may as well keep you around and see what happens.
PURCELL – KEEP
#75 Simon Frasier - DE - 3rd year
You play hard, hustle and I enjoy seeing you do the hand signals during the playing of “Hang On Sloopy” between the third and fourth quarters. But you are a bit undersized for a DE in a 3-4. Blatant Ohio nepotism only gets you so far. You made a lot more plays in 2006 so maybe my expectations are a little too high. Kudos on the Lorenzo Lamas hair, start speaking in an accent true to your Scottish heritage and you may have a wrestling gimmick in the future. For now get stronger.
FRASIER - KEEP
#91 Shaun Smith – NT/DE - 4th Year
Injuries forced you to play more DE that NT. You seemed to play very well at the nose and so-so at end. I expect big things from you in 2008. I love the fact that you dig through the Media Guides to dig up smack talk on the opponents. Let’s back it up against the Bungals this year, Mmm’Kay? I mean Carson Palmer called you the Hamburglar! This is the greatest thing that could ever happen. I mean you did look like the Hamburglar in a Bungals uniform. The stripes, the portly physique, dead ringer. You’re sitting on a gold mine, Hamburglar. Michael Dean Perry had the MDP back in the 1990’s. You’ve got to get something for yourself. I can envision Dawson, Zastudil and Pontbriand sitting around the Training Complex lunchroom. All of a sudden they hear “Robble, Robble” in the background. “Shit, it’s the Hamburglar, yo! Run for your lives!” I sense a Hambuglar #91 jersey in the Chinch’s future…
HAMBURGLAR - KEEP
#93 Louis Leonard - NT - Rookie
We picked you up after San Diego waived you in an attempt to stick you on the Practice Squad. That worked out well with Derek Anderson and the Chargers are considered to have one of the best collections of talent on their roster in the NFL. Steal from the rich. Also, you are frickin’ ginormous. We need help, please give us some.
LEONARD - KEEP
#96 Bobby Hamilton - DE – 13th Year
Why didn’t we pick you up earlier in the year? It’s your 13th year, we pick you up in the last week of the season, you haven’t been in football shape and you play better than half the DE that we have had in the past 9 years. And kudos on picking the reverse 69 for your number. But you are 35. We need young talent here. Sorry, Bobby.
HAMILTON – CUT!
#98 Robaire Smith - DE – 8th Year
Quietly you had a very solid year. Nothing great but not that bad. You made a couple of nice plays here and there but we need a couple a game. Based on our track record with past free agents you turned out to be a pretty good deal. Stay healthy and you should be a key piece to a DL line rotation in 2008. You stole Big Dawg’s #98 but I am giving you a nickname to compensate. If Shaun Smith is the Hamburglar that’s makes you Mayor McCheese! It only makes sense!
MCCHEESE - KEEP
#99 Orpheus Roye - DE – 12th Year
Before we get to the inevitable, let’s give you some kudos. You used to be a Steeler for 4 years. You’ve been a Brown for 8. Way to double it up, it is appreciated. You had a couple really good years hear and a few solid years. It a time of bad football you were actually good. You actually had the last safety in Browns history prior to the bad snap in the blizzard versus Buffalo. I witnessed it live. Chinch, Kick Ball Head and I did the ‘Safety Dance’ in the stands. It’s been a good run but it’s coming to an end. You’re 34, can’t stay healthy and have lost more than just a step. Orpheus, you did us well my friend but it’s time to bid you adieu.
ROYE – CUT! AND THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES
#54 Andra Davis - ILB – 6th Year
You were amazing in the Buffalo game. Utterly amazing. But that was in a blizzard when speed was nullified and all that mattered was instincts. But when conditions are good or even so-so, well, we could compare you to Rafael Betancourt’s wind-up. You are THAT slow and it is THAT noticeable. I don’t know what happened. A couple of years ago you were all over the place. Now, yikes, if you stop someone for a 5 yard gain I am happy. If we put your smarts and combined them with Leon Williams’ athleticism we’d have one heckuva ILB. But right now you are only half of one. I partially blame Gerard “Big Poopie” Warren since he was your teammate at Florida and still your best friend. The effort and heart is always there when you play but the results were lacking all year.
DAVIS – CUT!
#55 Willie McGinest - OLB – 14th Year
I’ll give you credit. You came back faster from a back injury that I thought possible. Especially at your age. You played every position from OLB to ILB to DE to even some NT when the line was decimated by injuries. But you are getting up in age and just don’t make the plays you did in New England (minus the San Fran game). You should probably hang them up but I know better. Romeo loves you and you will finish out the final year of your contract. Just keep teaching and being a team leader like you have and I can live with it.
MCGINEST – SHOULD BE CUT BUT YOU KNOW HE WON’T BE
#56 Antwan Peek - OLB - 5th Year
Please stay healthy. I would love to see what you and Wimbley could do in a full 16 game season when you are both healthy. You were extremely fast until you hurt your foot and then it was downhill from there. Another solid FA signing that bucks the Browns’ past FA trends. I mean you should be a terror you just look scary in your picture. The one in the Media Guide is even more frightening.
PEEK – KEEP AND STAY AWAY FROM MY HOUSE
#58 D’Qwell Jackson - ILB – 2nd Year
You are undersized but looked great as a rookie. This year ball carriers were dragging you all over the field. In a 3-4 the ILBs need to make all the tackles bro, and not down the field. You regressed big time. You do almost everything good but nothing great. It’s frustrating to see you be in position to make a play but not make one, or make it seven yard down the field. If the D is to improve either you or Williams needs to step up in 2008.
JACKSON – KEEP
#94 Leon Williams - ILB – 2nd Year
You played well. You are young and athletic. But I hear you are as dumb as a box of rocks. You seem to have gone to the Andra Davis School of Tackling Seven Yards Down the Field. But you are good in pass coverage especially on the TE. You’re still young and maybe New DC Mel Tucker can do for you what he did for the Defensive Backs the past few years. We need you to develop into a tacking machine at or behind the line of scrimmage. Please.
WILLIAMS - KEEP
#95 Kamerion Wimbley - OLB – 2nd Year
OK, Kam-Ram, you suffered the dreaded sophomore jinx, but it wasn’t that bad. You didn’t get hurt or play awful just weren’t as much of a force that you were as a rookie. Some of it was because you are the only effective pass rush we have when Peek isn’t healthy. But some of it is because you only have ONE PASS RUSHING MOVE! Come on now, Kam-Ram, we need some variety and ingenuity here. You should be good for an automatic 10 sacks a year, no questions asked. Maybe if you got a little meaner on the field. I hear you are one heckuva nice guy but please, all of Cleveland would love it if you kicked Todd Heap in the balls or piledrove Big Dumb Toothlessburger… Turkey Jones style.
WIMBLEY - KEEP
Well, you did it. You made it on the active roster for the last game of the season. But you didn’t play. You know what that makes you… my boy Lang Campbell. Well done. It’s like it was meant to be. He was #6, you are #60. Just slid that 0 in there for shits and grins, huh? Otto Graham was originally #60, way to tarnish the number. That being said, you are a young DL so we may as well keep you around and see what happens.
PURCELL – KEEP
#75 Simon Frasier - DE - 3rd year
You play hard, hustle and I enjoy seeing you do the hand signals during the playing of “Hang On Sloopy” between the third and fourth quarters. But you are a bit undersized for a DE in a 3-4. Blatant Ohio nepotism only gets you so far. You made a lot more plays in 2006 so maybe my expectations are a little too high. Kudos on the Lorenzo Lamas hair, start speaking in an accent true to your Scottish heritage and you may have a wrestling gimmick in the future. For now get stronger.
FRASIER - KEEP
#91 Shaun Smith – NT/DE - 4th Year
Injuries forced you to play more DE that NT. You seemed to play very well at the nose and so-so at end. I expect big things from you in 2008. I love the fact that you dig through the Media Guides to dig up smack talk on the opponents. Let’s back it up against the Bungals this year, Mmm’Kay? I mean Carson Palmer called you the Hamburglar! This is the greatest thing that could ever happen. I mean you did look like the Hamburglar in a Bungals uniform. The stripes, the portly physique, dead ringer. You’re sitting on a gold mine, Hamburglar. Michael Dean Perry had the MDP back in the 1990’s. You’ve got to get something for yourself. I can envision Dawson, Zastudil and Pontbriand sitting around the Training Complex lunchroom. All of a sudden they hear “Robble, Robble” in the background. “Shit, it’s the Hamburglar, yo! Run for your lives!” I sense a Hambuglar #91 jersey in the Chinch’s future…
HAMBURGLAR - KEEP
#93 Louis Leonard - NT - Rookie
We picked you up after San Diego waived you in an attempt to stick you on the Practice Squad. That worked out well with Derek Anderson and the Chargers are considered to have one of the best collections of talent on their roster in the NFL. Steal from the rich. Also, you are frickin’ ginormous. We need help, please give us some.
LEONARD - KEEP
#96 Bobby Hamilton - DE – 13th Year
Why didn’t we pick you up earlier in the year? It’s your 13th year, we pick you up in the last week of the season, you haven’t been in football shape and you play better than half the DE that we have had in the past 9 years. And kudos on picking the reverse 69 for your number. But you are 35. We need young talent here. Sorry, Bobby.
HAMILTON – CUT!
#98 Robaire Smith - DE – 8th Year
Quietly you had a very solid year. Nothing great but not that bad. You made a couple of nice plays here and there but we need a couple a game. Based on our track record with past free agents you turned out to be a pretty good deal. Stay healthy and you should be a key piece to a DL line rotation in 2008. You stole Big Dawg’s #98 but I am giving you a nickname to compensate. If Shaun Smith is the Hamburglar that’s makes you Mayor McCheese! It only makes sense!
MCCHEESE - KEEP
#99 Orpheus Roye - DE – 12th Year
Before we get to the inevitable, let’s give you some kudos. You used to be a Steeler for 4 years. You’ve been a Brown for 8. Way to double it up, it is appreciated. You had a couple really good years hear and a few solid years. It a time of bad football you were actually good. You actually had the last safety in Browns history prior to the bad snap in the blizzard versus Buffalo. I witnessed it live. Chinch, Kick Ball Head and I did the ‘Safety Dance’ in the stands. It’s been a good run but it’s coming to an end. You’re 34, can’t stay healthy and have lost more than just a step. Orpheus, you did us well my friend but it’s time to bid you adieu.
ROYE – CUT! AND THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES
#54 Andra Davis - ILB – 6th Year
You were amazing in the Buffalo game. Utterly amazing. But that was in a blizzard when speed was nullified and all that mattered was instincts. But when conditions are good or even so-so, well, we could compare you to Rafael Betancourt’s wind-up. You are THAT slow and it is THAT noticeable. I don’t know what happened. A couple of years ago you were all over the place. Now, yikes, if you stop someone for a 5 yard gain I am happy. If we put your smarts and combined them with Leon Williams’ athleticism we’d have one heckuva ILB. But right now you are only half of one. I partially blame Gerard “Big Poopie” Warren since he was your teammate at Florida and still your best friend. The effort and heart is always there when you play but the results were lacking all year.
DAVIS – CUT!
#55 Willie McGinest - OLB – 14th Year
I’ll give you credit. You came back faster from a back injury that I thought possible. Especially at your age. You played every position from OLB to ILB to DE to even some NT when the line was decimated by injuries. But you are getting up in age and just don’t make the plays you did in New England (minus the San Fran game). You should probably hang them up but I know better. Romeo loves you and you will finish out the final year of your contract. Just keep teaching and being a team leader like you have and I can live with it.
MCGINEST – SHOULD BE CUT BUT YOU KNOW HE WON’T BE
#56 Antwan Peek - OLB - 5th Year
Please stay healthy. I would love to see what you and Wimbley could do in a full 16 game season when you are both healthy. You were extremely fast until you hurt your foot and then it was downhill from there. Another solid FA signing that bucks the Browns’ past FA trends. I mean you should be a terror you just look scary in your picture. The one in the Media Guide is even more frightening.
PEEK – KEEP AND STAY AWAY FROM MY HOUSE
#58 D’Qwell Jackson - ILB – 2nd Year
You are undersized but looked great as a rookie. This year ball carriers were dragging you all over the field. In a 3-4 the ILBs need to make all the tackles bro, and not down the field. You regressed big time. You do almost everything good but nothing great. It’s frustrating to see you be in position to make a play but not make one, or make it seven yard down the field. If the D is to improve either you or Williams needs to step up in 2008.
JACKSON – KEEP
#94 Leon Williams - ILB – 2nd Year
You played well. You are young and athletic. But I hear you are as dumb as a box of rocks. You seem to have gone to the Andra Davis School of Tackling Seven Yards Down the Field. But you are good in pass coverage especially on the TE. You’re still young and maybe New DC Mel Tucker can do for you what he did for the Defensive Backs the past few years. We need you to develop into a tacking machine at or behind the line of scrimmage. Please.
WILLIAMS - KEEP
#95 Kamerion Wimbley - OLB – 2nd Year
OK, Kam-Ram, you suffered the dreaded sophomore jinx, but it wasn’t that bad. You didn’t get hurt or play awful just weren’t as much of a force that you were as a rookie. Some of it was because you are the only effective pass rush we have when Peek isn’t healthy. But some of it is because you only have ONE PASS RUSHING MOVE! Come on now, Kam-Ram, we need some variety and ingenuity here. You should be good for an automatic 10 sacks a year, no questions asked. Maybe if you got a little meaner on the field. I hear you are one heckuva nice guy but please, all of Cleveland would love it if you kicked Todd Heap in the balls or piledrove Big Dumb Toothlessburger… Turkey Jones style.
WIMBLEY - KEEP
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