Friday, January 25, 2008

2008 - Browns Cut List - Special Teams

#4 Phil Dawson – K – 9th Year
You are the last guy left from 1999 and with good reason. Everyone bad mouthed you for an off 2006 and you rebounded with authority. 26 for 30. 87%. Let’s go over the 4 misses. Game 3, Nat Dorsey whiffs on a blocking assignment and the kick is blocked. Game 9, on the worst field in football history (Heinz Field, Pittspuke) you are just short on a 52 yard field goal. Only 1 field goal of over 50 yards has even been made there. Ever. Game 10, you shanked one in Baltimore but I think the 51 yarder you made off the “Dawson Bar” to send the game to OT and the OT winner made up for that one. Game 16, protection breaks down and the kick is blocked. So out of 30 attempts you had one shank job. And the 26 you made included The Immaculate Deflection in Baltimore and the two amazing kicks in the blizzard versus Buffalo. The 49 yarded may never be duplicated. You passed Matt Bahr and Jim F’N Brown on the Browns all-time scoring list and sit at #3. You are the most consistent kicker we have had since Matt Bahr and the only game winning kick you have ever missed was the one in Game 3 when Dorsey missed his block. You are the best player the Browns have had since their reincarnation in 1999 and will be the first member of the reincarnation to be inducted into the Cleveland Browns Legends faction.

#15 Dave Zastudil – P – 6th Year
Your punting average dropped more than 2 yards per punt and your net average dropped almost 4 yards per punt from 2006. You went from placing 35% of your punts inside the 20 to 29%. You even had a couple of bobbled snaps as the holder this year. Not a good 2007 for the Zasty Boy. Now I know you had a bad back, of which I can sympathize with, but did you have to subject us to Paul Ernster and Scott Player? Honestly, that was not cool. A douchebag and a 60 year old porn star. Yuck! Just stay healthy, you kicked us out of field position jambs time and time again in 2006 let’s revert back to that in 2008. Bay Village High School Football Rules!

#16 Josh Cribbs – WR/KR – 3rd Year
What can be said? He’s been here for 3 years and is already the Browns all-time leader in kickoff yardage and return touchdowns. Every time he touches the football everyone in the stadium looks on in anticipation. Plus he’s the gunner on the punt team and a menace on the kickoff team leading the team in special teams tackles. If there’s one issue with Cribbsy it’s that the Browns seem reluctant to use him on offense in fear of burning him out. He’s not an every down player on offense, yet, but he still could be utilized more as a weapon. 9 rushes and 3 receptions just isn’t enough. Enjoy the annual trip to Honolulu.

#25 Kenny Wright – CB – 9th Year
I live in DC. Kenny Wright played for the Redskins last year (after being jettisoned by Jacksonville, Houston and Minnesota). Last year for the Redskins, he was forced into starting duty due to injuries. It was not pretty. I believe I compared him to Ralph “Toast” Brown. It was that bad. You were basically a charcoal briquette. This year he started off by playing in the nickel and dime packages. He actually started and played extensively in Game 2 versus the Bungals when they put up 45 points. You only played in 5 games after that. Actually, you were inactive for 7 of the last 10 games. Do the math. The last ember of your charcoal briquette is about to burn out.

#27 Nick Sorensen – DB – 7th Year
Yo dude, like whats up? You look like a surfer but you’re from Virginia. You actually went to high school right down the street from my office and then Virginia Tech. Which is odd… The Browns picked you up mid season after being cut by Jacksonville where you were special teams captain for 2 years. You’re all over the field on kickoffs and punts and we do need a wild and crazy Caucasian running down the field since the Mother Uncker Mason Unck was run out of town. You can keep your long hair (and that giant forehead), you damn hippie, and long as you keep making tackles on punt and kickoffs. We just need to find you a nickname…

#30 Ricardo Colclough – DB – 4th Year
Where do I begin? Drafted by Steelers. Played 3 years for Steelers. Started this year with Steelers. Cut by Steelers after 3 games. On the Browns active roster for 9 games. Inactive for all 9 games. 9 for 9. I don’t know how anyone can top that. Well, I do, but that’s for a later date… So you get cut by the Steelers, who defensive backs suck after 3 games. Three. And then, you can’t even get active for a game with the Browns. Gary Baxter was able to accomplish that, too, except he at one point in time had no ligaments in his knees! If you are going to come over from the dark side you at least have to contribute something to Believeland (see: Roye, Orpheus). Your contribution, nada.

#41 Charles Ali – FB – Rookie
Ah yes, the traditional fullback, just like me. A dying breed. Close to my heart. But we already have Vickers. And watching the film the only special team you play on is kickoff return. Not even FG/XP, just kickoff return. Now I know Cribbs is the best damn KO returner in the game but I kind of think there’s someone else who can do this instead of you. Maybe Vickers? He IS Lawrence Vickers. Kudos to you for making it as an undrafted FA out of college, always tough to do. But you being active usually means Jerome Harrison is inactive which makes me grumpy. And you don’t need 2 FBs on a 53 man roster. If Vickers goes down (God forbid) Stevey Heiden or Darnell Dinkins can step in. Sorry my fullback breatheren.

#51 Chaun Thompson – LB - 5th Year
You seem to be versatile but do nothing well. But it can’t be ignored that you were second to Cribbs in special teams tackles. And you are durable. You have played in every game possible for the browns since you were drafted… from West Texas A&M ( The West Texas A&M Buffs. The Buffs. Couldn’t afford Buffalos? What’s the deal here? Oh wait the website says to you can use Buffalos or Buffs. Riiiiight… At least you spell your first name properly. And you can play anywhere from NT to OLB. You are a FA I hope you resign.

#59 Keith Adams – LB – 7th Year
Thanks for showing up for the last three games after Kris griffin got hurt. This was after Miami cut you. Cam Cameron may be the stupidest head coach ever. Good news, he ended up in Balti-whore. Bad news, I am still pissed Mason Unck is gone.

#64 Ryan Pontbriand – LS – 5th Year
How many times do I remember you f@#$ing up? Zero. How many bad weather games with wind, rain and snow did the Browns play? Plenty. How many will they play in the future? Plenty. You said in the windy games you were aiming 2 yards to the side of Zasty… and still hit him in the numbers. In addation to keeping you around I am nominating you for the Nobel Prize in Physics. Well played.

#90 David McMillan – LB – 3rd Year
Hey man, what is up with your hair? As a rookie you had the dreads, last year the high and tight and now the corn rows. Make a frickin’ decision. Sweet Lord. I mean you are always Mr. Pre-Season on defense and then only sniff the field on special teams all year. What‘s up with that??? You had 7 tackles and a recovered fumble in 15 games. That’s just so-so. But you did to Kansas for college! So you played for Mark Mangino who can only be eloquently described in one picture… MCMILLAN - KEEP

Up next: Defensive Backs.

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