Thank God it's Over...

Thank the lord. The NFL season is over, finally.

Not only did the Browns devolve from 10-6 to 4-12 but we had to witness the Steelers take home NFL Championship number six and an AFC Championship Game where they faced off against the Ravens. We should be thanking our lucky stars that we at least have the Bengals… what’s that? We finished behind them, too? F@#$.

The only thing we can really hang our hats on is that many are asking questions about the Appalachian Inbred title once again. Where was the clipping call on James Harrison’s Pick Six to end the first half? Did he even get into the endzone? Why didn’t Santonio Holmes get a personal foul for using the ball as a prop after his tippy toe TD? Why wasn’t the last play reviewed? It looked like a fumble but why not make sure? Was James Farrior’s 15 yard penalty for his Dwayne Rudd impersonation part of it?

I’ll channel by inner Lt. Frank Drebin one more time just for shits and grins [time stamp 6:30 to 7:07]…

“The attempt on Nordberg's life left me shaken and disturbed, and all the questions kept coming up over and over again, like bubbles in a case of club soda. Who was this character in the hospital? And why was he trying to kill Nordberg? And for whom? Did Ludwig lie to me? I didn't have any proof, but somehow, I didn't entirely trust him either. Why was the 'I Luv You' not listed in Ludwig's records? And if it was, did he know about it? And if he didn't, who did? And where the hell was I?”

Bottom line they still won the game and made plays when they had to. But after number five was shrouded with some referee controversy in of itself and numbers one through four have always had a steroid cloud around them, number six doesn’t seem totally clean either. But they should be saluted. Being a Browns fan the proper way to salute them is to extend your right arm and extend your middle finger. To paraphrase Ron Burgundy, “GO F@#$ yourself, Pittsburgh.”

So now we can worry about the more important things like the painting over of murals, the lack of any witty repartee from the head coach and soccer in England. These are what are really important in the NFL. Not the need for an impact draft with only four selections. Not the fact that the owner hired the head coach before the GM. Not the fact that we have no President of Football Operations. We painted a wall. “We can build on this!” as Herm Edwards would say.

No offense to Joe Thomas, Shaun Rogers or Ryan Pontbriand but it’s over. Have fun in Hawaii boys, don’t get injured but thank God this stink pickle of a 2008 NFL season is complete.

I can now relax and focus on the fun prospects for the spring. First off, the Cavs’ quest for an NBA Title and LeBron’s drive for an MVP trophy. The way the team actually enjoys playing together is magnificent to watch and they are all very likable characters unlike that Appalachian Inbred team (and fanbase). If they can lock up home court over the Celtics and Magic their odds of making our dreams come true in June and July are increased dramatically. The excitement builds with each game the Wine and Gold tip off.

The Tribe breaks camp with just as many questions as there are about Super Bowl XLIII. Is Travis Hafner going to be anywhere near to himself, circa 2004-2006? Can Cliff Lee and Fausto Carmona anchor a shaky starting rotation? Can Masa Kobayashi be effective in his second MLB season? By effective I mean not appear in any alternative lifestyle Japanese adult films again.

Will Asdrubal Cabrera give me reason to text people with “AS-MAN! AS-MAN! AS-MAN!” on a routine basis? How the hell is this whole first base/catcher/designated hitter platoon thing going to work out? Will Kerry Wood, Mark DeRosa, Joe Smith and (gulp) Carl Pavano be key pieces to the Indians’ puzzle?

I have a very weird feeling about the Indians in 2009. Like a good weird. I can’t explain it. It isn’t like in 2007 when I thought they had a shot or in 2008 when I thought they’d win it all. It’s different, but I can’t put my finger on it. But I do know on thing, it’s a hell of a lot better than I felt 24 hours ago when it was still the NFL season. Thank the heavens that it is over.

Fear and Loathing in Cleveland

Its mid-January in Cleveland and the Cavs are off to their best start in franchise history, pushing towards a potential first seed in the Eastern Conference. LeBron James is looking like the clear cut NBA MVP due to an elevated intensity on the defensive end and a willingness to play offense without controlling the basketball. Mike Browns has opened up the offense, without sacrificing his trademark defense first philosophy, by turning over some of it to assistant John Kuester.

Across the country, he Indians are just under a month from taking the field at their new spring training complex in Goodyear, Arizona hoping that the namesake of their new home is an understatement of what they will accomplish in 2009. For the maybe first time ever the Dolan Family opened their pocketbooks despite a crumbling economy. Mark Shapiro took advantage by being aggressive and creative after an off-season of sitting on his hands in 2008 blew up in his face.

While I love the rosy prospects for both the Cavs and the Tribe in 2009 I find myself fearing and loathing the Browns at so many levels it shrouds my excitement for everything else Cleveland sports related. Right or wrong, the Browns are the team that is associated with and defines the city. LeBron may be able to chance that in the very near future, but for now when one thinks Cleveland, the Browns come to mind.

I love the fact that Randy Lerner does not want to sell the Browns and I appreciate that he does not want to be the face of the franchise. However, it scares me to death that he is so introverted that he can not even speak in front of a camera for ten minutes to explain his rational behind hiring a head coach. It is embarrassing when Team President Mike Keenan, who has been around for about a year, has to introduce himself at a press conference before he introduces the head coach.

I appreciate that Lerner seemingly found “his guy” in Eric Mangini and that he values a coach more than a General Manager even though it is an ass backwards approach to me. But I wonder what Lerner would have done if Mangini had not come available after Bill Cowher and Scott Pioli became unviable options.

And what if the Ravens’ George Kokinis decides to stay in Baltimore? I have no faith that Lerner has even considered that situation. It looks like the Browns only fallback options are Shack Harris who resigned from the Jacksonville Jaguars GM post after free agent signings of Jerry Porter and Drayton Florence blew up in his face and he was unable to get first round draft choice Derrick Harvey into camp on time. Former Broncos GM Ted Sundquist is begging Lerner for an interview which does nothing to sooth my fears.

I even have concerns about Eric Mangini, who I actually am intrigued by, as the head coach of the Browns. I may not like they way that Lerner went about selecting Mangini but I do think the scrutiny of the New York market and three years of actual head coaching experience will benefit him.

It does scare me that while coaches in their second go round do experience success many of them, like Bill Belichick and Tom Coughlin, either took time off from football or went back to the coordinator ranks before their next head coaching gig. The 14 days off that Mangini had between being fired by the Jets and hired by the Browns makes me worry how much he could really learn from his mistakes in that short time.

So instead of celebrating the success of the Cavs or analyzing the potential of the Indians I find myself worrying about the Browns when they should be an afterthought in my mind. Fearing that an organization has failed to learn from its worst decade of football in franchise history and loathing the fact that we may be looking at another decade of the same.

2009 Cleveland Browns Cut List - Receivers & Tight Ends

Wide Receivers

12 Syndric Steptoe, WR

You are just too small to be an effective every down or third receiver. You are incapable of blocking down field because of your size and it impacts the game negatively. You are a great return man but with Josh Cribbs here you will be forever blocked behind him. We need an actual third receiver who is capable to do it all. CUT!

17 Braylon Edwards, WR

Everything is in your brain. No one thinks anything less of you because you are from Meatchicken. Grow up. You have been pampered and coddled and I honestly think your head can not process this and does not have any idea on how to react. If you can get you brain sorted out you have a chance to be one of the greatest receivers in the franchise’s history, if you want to. We need your deep threat to open up the running game and make this a potent offense. Get you head out of you ass and man up. You are better that this. KEEP.

18 Donte Stallworth, WR

I have seen Kevin Johnson. I have seen Quincy Morgan. I have seen Dennis Northcutt. I have seen Andre Davis. I have seen Travis Wilson. You by far take the cake. You may be a worse free agent signing that Andre Rison. You are everything that is wrong with this franchise. You are soft, babied and put yourself before the team. You show no heart or soul in your play on the field. When it is time to lay it on the line you fold like a house of cards. If you are on this roster next season it would be a disgrace. CUT!

80 Kellen Winslow, TE

I love your heart and dedication on the field. The fact you play through pain on a daily basis is admirable. But I think the veil has been lifted on your true being. Yes, the staph infection cover-up was not you fault and put you in a bad position but the way you handled it was just as poor as Phil Savage. Despite your hard play and effort on the field I think that you only do it to benefit yourself off the field. You know your time is limited because of all your ailments and I think your first priority is to capitalize monetarily on that. The team comes second. I think it is time to move on and you need to be traded. CUT!

82 Steve Heiden, TE

If you removed Phil Dawson, you are the best player the Browns have had since their reincarnation in 1999. Your knee needs to heal quickly I think you will need to fill in for Winslow in 2009, and not because he is injured. KEEP.

84 Joe Jurevicius, WR

Seven surgeries on the same knee in under a calendar year is not good. I just hope you are able to make it through life without any effects from it. If you can make it back onto the football field it is a bonus. KEEP.

86 Martin Rucker, TE

Most NFL scouting departments don’t think very highly of you. The Browns don’t know what they have in you because the lame duck coaching staff would not play you. I hope this gives you a giant chip on your shoulder. KEEP.

87 Darnell Dinkins, TE

You still are the ugliest mo-fo on the entire team but that is not enough this year. I am tired of seeing your countless penalties on special teams and you dropping of passes over the middle. CUT!

89 Paul Hubbard, WR

You have the size to play in the NFL but could not get activated for a single game. I will attribute it to coaching ineptitude and not you being the second coming of Travis Wilson. KEEP.

2009 Cleveland Browns Cut List - Offensive Line

Offensive Linemen

61 Isaac Sowells, T/G

We need young offensive linemen but you’ve only see action on offense in one game in three years. Time to see what you are made of. KEEP.

62 Lennie Friedman, G/C

Let’s get it out of the way… I always laugh when I hear this name. I think of the scene in “Major League” when the construction workers are going over the Tribe’s roster after Spring Training. “Willie Hayes, Ricky Vaughn, Lennie Friedman… who the F@#$ are these guys?” You also are in the National Jewish Sports Hall of Fame which is outstanding. But I hear that LeBron-ukkah is sweeping the nation and that does not bode well. In all seriousness, you missed all year with a neck injury and I hope you experience no ill effects from it but it’s time for a youth movement on the offensive line. Mazel tov, my good man. CUT!

65 Eric Steinbach, G

You played injured most of the year and it showed. I think that impacted Joe Thomas’ play as well. We need you at 100% next season. KEEP.

66 Hank Fraley, C

Your play definitely decline this season. How many times were the Browns vulnerable to the blitz up the middle? Way too much. We need a solid year out of you next season while we groom a successor. KEEP.

68 Seth McKinney, G/C

I normally love a fat, red haired guy since they are few and far between but your play didn’t inspire me. Last year we were better off with Ryan Tucker and this year you couldn’t beat out Rex Hadnot. CUT!

70 Rex Hadnot, G

You are a road grader and I don’t mean that in a good way. You lack the athleticism a guard needs and combined with Kevin Shaffer you create a polar opposite right side of the line to the left side. Shaffer’s play also suffered with you in there and that has to say something. You weren’t awful but just weren’t good either. CUT!

72 Ryan Tucker, G/T

Two years ago you went off the deep end. Last year returned in the form of “The Tuckster” after a four game suspension for saying your prayers and taking your (illegal) vitamins. This year you started one game and the Browns rolled the defending champs. You are getting up there in age but you are valuable and make Kevin Shaffer look serviceable. KEEP.

73 Joe Thomas, T

You had a down year but you faced a much tougher list of opposing defenses. I will chalk it up to an adjustment period. You still had enough respect from your peers to be voted to the Pro Bowl which counts for something. You will anchor the line for a decade or more. KEEP.

77 Kevin Shaffer, T

After 2006 I wrote, “The Human Parking Cone (HPC) has been returned to the department of Public Works. You almost single handedly got Derek Anderson killed… I thought Chris Hovan killed him. But I got to see Ken Dorsey play. Thanks douche-bag!” Well after a stellar 2007 guess what? You DID single handedly get Derek Anderson killed. I DID to see Ken Dorsey play. Thanks douche-bag!” HPC you defied the oods last year but this year you came back to earth. You may look like The Warlord from the Powers of Pain tag team back in the 1980s WWE but that is not enough. It time we H-P-C ya. CUT!

2009 Cleveland Browns Cut List - Defensive Line

Defensive Linemen

71 Ahtyba Rubin, DL
You actually made a few plays here and there once you got some PT at the end of the year. A true nose tackle is hard to find and we need someone to spell Big Baby from time to time. Sad that only our sixth and seventh round draft choice were effective this season. KEEP.

91 Shaun Smith, DL
Carson Palmer called you the Hamburglar. Brady Quinn said you have a small penis. Some of your teammates insinuated you quit at mid season. You trash talk relentlessly which is fine but when you factor in that you came from the Bengals who love to keep malcontents and then chose not to re-sign you tells me maybe you are not that good. There is only one fate for you and your tiny penis. CUT!

92 Shaun Rogers, DL
Keep the weight within reason and stay motivated. DO that and you will be the best interior lineman the Browns have had in a long, long time. KEEP.

93 Louis Leonard, DL
You give it your all but you have zero effect on the game. Teams double team Rogers and you need to make plays or string it out. You did neither on a consistent basis. CUT!

97 Santonio Thomas, DL
See Leonard, Louis. CUT!

98 Robaire Smith, DL
Losing you early in the year was a huge blow. Big men with Achilles injuries have a difficult time recovering from them due to the weight placed on the heel. I hope you can recover, we need you. KEEP.

99 Corey Williams, DL
You look like the classic case of the square peg (not Sarah Jessica Parker) in the round hole. You were injured early in the year and struggled since. Regardless we need to see how you do with another season under your belt. KEEP.

2009 Cleveland Browns Cut List - RB & QB

Running Backs and Quarterbacks

3 Derek Anderson, QB

You had an incredible 2007 even though you tapered off. A smart GM would have traded you at your peak value. I expected you to fall off somewhat in 2008 but you crashed and burned. I still think you could be an effective QB but not in Cleveland. You were never going to be loved once Brady Quinn was drafted and those who cheered your injury should be embarrassed of themselves. I wish you well but it’s time to move on. CUT! Trade actually.

7 Bruce Gradkowski, QB

Your QB Rating for the year was 2.8. Do I need to say anything else you Pittspuke piece of crap? CUT!

10 Brady Quinn, QB

I think you can be the man. Will you be the savior like some think? I will believe it when I see it. But think entails being a leader. So when a big fat guy with a small penis is talking smack on you in the weight room you need to walk away and be the bigger man instead of pointing out he has a small penis. Also, no more wacky pictures. No more Village People gear at wedding. No more flexing with Brett Michaels of Poison. Subway commercials are cool. Pimping EAS on TV, cool. Got it? KEEP.

11 Ken Dorsey, QB

No one expected you to throw a pass this year so I can not hold you fully responsible for that. But after seeing you play at length there is no way that a roster spot can be wasted on you. Retire and get into coaching, you obviously have a future there. ESPN’s Bill Simmons delivered the infamous quote, “Good God, that’s Ken Dorsey’s music!” If you did have music it would be “Blaze of Glory” by Bon Jovi. Because the Browns season went down in one once you took over. CUT!

31 Jamal Lewis, RB

The tread on the tires is wearing down but you can still be effective. You may tippy-toe here and there but you still play hard, you still play hurt and you still play with passion and that counts for something. 10,000 career rushing yards, 1,000 yards in a season again and zero cocaine deals with in Cleveland. All numbers to be proud of. KEEP.

35 Jerome Harrison, RB

You made me a believer. You need 10-15 touches a game. Every time you touch the ball you are a threat to take it to the house. A competent coaching staff would have figured that out long ago. KEEP.

41 Charles Ali, FB
A second fullback is a luxury but you were just mauling people left and right when Vickers was injured. You are not, in any situation, allowed to touch the ball no matter what. KEEP.

47 Lawrence Vickers, FB
Once you were the bane of my existence when Maurice Carthon was around due to Fullback Option Passes and other tomfoolery. Now you are one of the most underrated fullbacks in the NFL and a relieving threat out of the backfield. You have swayed me my firend. KEEP